Our funniest moments
Some of the funniest moments at our escortservice
People tend to think running an high class escortservice is very exciting but in reality, most of our time is spent behind a computer and answering the phone, just like with many other companies. Having said that, some moments are extra fun and make us all laugh. Most Dutch people will remember the prank call made by a radio station to an escortservice, requesting roadside assistance for their Ford Escort. For those who don't remember it, it's this call (in Dutch):
We hereby share some of the funniest moments at our high class escortservice.
Funny moments on the phone
Q: Yes, hello, I would like to buy a freezer.
A: No problem Sir, we will connect you to our workshop.
Q: Can I ask the escort to strip for me when she arrives so I can approve her body?
A: Yes, right after you pay for her minimum booking.
Q: If the escort has an orgasm, will the booking be for free?
A: No, but your efforts will result in dividends.
Q: I live in Leeuwarden (all the way up North in The Netherlands) and would like to see Michelle (who is based in the South of The Netherlands). Can she be here in an hour?
A: Sure, we'll just send her over in our helicopter.
Q: We have saved up with some friends and together we can afford two hours with one escort. How do you recommend we divide the time and decide who gets to go first?
A: Would you like us to explain what "high class escort" means?
Q: I have sent you a picture of my penis, are you impressed?
A: Oh that's what is was? We where trying to figure it out.
Q: If I book an escort for the night the time is changed to daylight savings, will I get an hour extra for free?
A: Interesting question. Let us think... no.
Q: Do you need somebody to test your escorts for their sexual skills?
A: Thank you for the considerate offer but no.
Q: What if my wife walks in during the booking?
A: You'll be charged extra since the couple surcharge will then apply.
Q: I need extra discretion, my neighbors are very nosy. Can the escort arrive in a dominatrix outfit?
A: So no extra discretion required anymore?
Q: If my girlfriend wants to work with you, will I need to pay her when we have sex at home?
A: No, some flowers will most likely do.
We where receiving a number of prank calls from a direct phone line, which we traced back to an high school in Amsterdam. We send the school an email about the situation and asked them to block our number to stop the prank calls. We received an immediate reply, apologizing for the inconvenience and to inform us the matter would be taken care of. Later that week we received an other email with a handwritten letter attached to it from the pranksters, telling us they where very very very sorry, would never do it again and they received some imposition for it.
Every morning, when we open our office at 10.00AM we check the voicemails from the past night when our office was closed. A gentleman was under the assumption his booking on our voicemail, outside our opening hours, would still reach us. These where his voicemails.
Voicemail 1, 3.05AM: I would like to book a blonde escort at my place in Rotterdam, the address is xxx and I would like her to be here at 4.00AM for 2 hours. I will pay cash.
Voicemail 2, 4.15AM: I booked an escort with you, she should have been here by 4.00AM and she's still not here. When do you think she'll arrive.
Voicemail 3, 4.45AM: I've been waiting for 45 minutes now, is she almost there?
Voicemail 4, 5.15AM: You are a rubbish escortservice, the escort should have been here over an hour ago. When she arrives I will not open the door and I will never call you again!
One of our repeat clients informed us of his room number earlier in the day. We forwarded it to the escort, who called us to let us know she had arrived, right on time. However, 15 minutes after her arrival the client calls us to inquire when his escort would be arriving. We where confused. Didn't she already arrive 15 minutes ago? We called the escort and asked her where she was. With the client, having a glass of wine. Turned out the actual client had changed rooms throughout the day and forgot to inform us. His escort was enjoying a glass of wine with an other gentleman who must not have known what hit him. This gorgeous lady arrives at his door and they are sharing flirtatious conversations. Needless to say, he was sad to see her leave to her initial arrangement. Luckily she provided our number to him and we arranged for an alternative escort to visit our new client.
Every now and then people call us when they are masturbating. During one conversation we got the impression the gentleman on the other end of the line was doing exactly that. Needless to say, we where not amused but in stead of using foul language we told the gentleman we had an other line and put his call on hold. He waited for 24 minutes before hanging up. The mental picture this provided us was hilarious.
With the best intentions, some clients have concerns that are slightly amusing. To name a few;
- Yes, you can still book with us if you use medication to prevent hairloss.
- No, you do not need to wax your entire body prior to the booking.
- Thank you of trying to cut our expenses, but no, we will not be reusing your condom. Not even if you rinse it first.
- Yes, you can eat garlic in the week before your booking, just brush your teeth.
- No, you do not need to provide a picture of your penis so we can approve you for a booking.
Since our opening hours are daily between 10 in the morning to midnight, chances are the phone will ring when we are out running an errand. To us, answering questions about services and rates are very normal. To others they are not. Imagine what an average conversation sounds like to others when all they hear is "From 700 euro's for 2 hours" and "A full Girlfriend Experience, everything safe". We've had to deal with some very surprised looks.
One afternoon we received a call from a gentleman that sounded a little bit too young. A request was made for a booking in a town all the way in the North of the Netherlands and the rate didn't matter. After checking the address and calling the landline, the lady answering the phone told us her sun was being bullied by other boys in school and she had had to deal with situations from escorts to pizza deliveries. We waited a few hours until the beginning of the evening and called back the number that had been used to make the booking. A lady answered. We informed her of her sun, placing a fake booking with an expensive escortservice, just to tease an other boy. The lady politely apologized and asked us to hold. She demanded her son to come down and gave him a good licking. She returned to us and told us her son wanted to tell us something. The boy, not so cool anymore, told us he was sorry for what he had done and asked us if there was anything he could do to make it up or if there where any damages he needed to refund. We asked to speak to his mother. We agreed a suitable punishment for him would be to come to our office in Rotterdam and clean our cars that weekend. And so it happened.