Charlie Magazine about how people cheat
On February 1st, Charlie Magazine published an article on their website describing how people cheat. Marike, owner and founder of high class escortservice Society Service was interviewed for the article, among with some others. The article was published in Dutch but below you can find a summary in English.
Forbidden fruits: How do people cheat?
Cheating, not chique but it happens either way. About 90 percent of people disapprove of cheating, yet 30 percent does end up cheating once or more. That hypocrisy, or the inability to follow our own morals, leaves questions. I previously researched why we cheat. This time I asked two people who cheat and the director of an escortservice: how does that work really?
I was overwhelmed from all the responses during my last search for people who cheat. I received special requests, which I kindly denied, people who started sharing their experiences without me even asking a thing and some crazy people I had to get rid of. It took a while for me to find some real experiences, and I finally verified them through others. Some people are so pro-cheating, it made me shy. Others didn't know why they where cheating in the first place. I can understand a person in such a situation. Even though men cheat more often than women, the amount of women who cheat is increasing since more and more women are working. All stories included some awkwardness. And despite that awkwardness, cheaters managed an extensive web of lies to maintain the affair. I wondered; how do you keep up with such a double life? Two cheaters and the owner of an escortservice shared some insights in how to successfully cheat. Dubious conversations, yet very realistic.
Do not cheat with friends or acquaintances
Obvious, but still, people often cheat with a person they know well. Not so smart, since you keep running into this person and it can create awkward situations. Unless you like awkward situations.
Marike van der Velden, owner of Society Service a high-class escort agency, like the saying ‘Don’t shit where you eat’. She explains: “An escort is not part of your friends or acquaintances. This avoids a lot of awkward situations. I've been running an escortagency for about twelve years now and I estimate about sixty percent of my clients have a partner. But meeting an escort is eventually a business arrangement. When in a relationship, people often do not get everything they want or there is no more excitement within the relationship. Perhaps booking an escort can save your relationship. It's a business agreement, after which you do not see each other anymore. This is far less dangerous than an affair with your secretary.”
Eline liked knowing the person she was having an affair with a bit better. He understood how she didn't want to compromise her relationship and was aware of the situation. "I was married with a baby. My lover knew that."
Kevin cheated several times but never in his own city. "One of the persons I had an affair with went a bit nuts. The advantage was she didn't knew where I lived. I did have an affair with a person from the same city. It was weird, bumpting in the my misstress when walking around with my wife. Luckily, my misstress was not jealous. She could have easily killed my marriage.”
The -Duh- don't say a word
You are feeling guilty, or you are exited. Either way. Keep it to yourself. You are not helping anybody. Your built will not go away by telling others. And you put your friends in a position where they feel conflicted loyalty. In short: Shut up.
Van der Velden: “It is really very simple. When you tell anybody, eventually somebody will talk. This person wants to share this information, and that person will want to share it as well. Be smart and keep it to yourself.”
Eline: “I told one person I knew I could trust. I felt I wanted to share this process with somebody.”
Kevin: “I worked in a city where I had an affair from time to time. Some colleagues knew what was going on, but they where also having affairs. It is smarter to not tell anybody. You never know who someone knows.”
Do not make promises to your mistress
It's not nice to promise something you can not live up to. It creates expectations you will never be able to meet and can result in feelings of resentment, increasing the chances of your affair coming out.
Van der Velden: “It's not fair to promise your mistress something you can not live up to. You are unnecessarily hurting people. Again: that's the great thing about an escort. It's a business transaction. Equal the fun, but you are not hurting anybody.”
Eline: “I have always been very clear about the situation between me and my lover. I do not feel I created false expectations.”
Kevin: “I don't know if I was ever in love, but I did feel fondly of my mistress. I was certainly not careless towards her, but I wasn't head over heels either. That can result in irresponsible choices which you will regret later on.”
Van der Velden: “When recruiting new escorts, it is important the escort can separate love and sex.”
Do not underestimate the power of denial
People want to be lied to and believe whatever they want to see and believe.
Van der Velden: “The question remains; who do you think you are helping by owing up to your affair. It can be very loving not to say anything. You don't tell your friend she gained some weight after a pregnancy either. When you stick with your story and do not divert from it, people will believe you. The endgoal is not hurting others with information that does not do them any good.”
Eline: “It still amazes me what I got away with and what people believe when you just simply do not answer. People often do not listen very well and do not remember everything. It took a long time before I told a friend about my affair. She had no clue this was going on until I told her about it.”
Desperate Measures: The alibi-service
So. This must be cheating 2.0. A service which fakes a business trip for you, so you can get away for the weekend with your mistress or lover.
Van der Velden: “Ever heard about an alibi service? These type of communies provide tickets to an conference which does not really exist. They also make sure when you call the number of a hotel, the call is answered by the alibi service who then tell you you can not answer the call because the line is busy. We have not used them often, but there are companies who provide alibis to people who are cheating.”
The other cheaters have never heard of such a service.
Use a condom
You are cheating. You do not have to trouble your partner with a sexually transmittable disease. So use a condom. Period.
Eline: “Yes. That's the intention. But well. Sometimes things go wrong.”
Kevin: Awkward silence.
Van der Velden: “Escorts always use a condom.”